A lifetime in roughly 15 minutes
My mind is a lot of things. It’s a museum of everything I’ve ever loved, an art gallery of all my emotions plastered on its walls, and an out of control wildfire trapped on an Island. But another thing that my mind is is a distortion. A distortion of time and relatively. My mind can drum up 1000 different scenarios that can happen because of one moment and run through all of them in just about a quarter of an hour and still have space to do this over again till the day that it turns off forever. I’ve never known whether or not to consider this a superpower of one of the highest degrees, or a curse from the deepest realms of the underworld. Because there are times where it can genuinely be both back to back like it was always both in the first place. And crashing down a hill at 30 miles an hour with no such thing on as much as even a helmet has made this to an extent to where the switch that felt like it existed purely to keep that spiral from going over a certain point, seem to not exist at all in this reality anymore. So now this spiral can just keep spinning down and down with no end in sight until I end up grounding myself back into reality somehow, or by some external stimulus shocking me out of it for that much needed split second so keep myself from riding down that spiral further. I can hope that this will go away, or that I will learn to live with it in a way that won’t effect my every relationship like it currently does in my mind. But I can’t know if that’s the case. Because my reasoning has fallen through the floor and seeped into the void below. I threw a lure into the void to try and get it back, but I’ve never been good at fishing.
all of this to say that my mind runs rampant through every corner of itself and it never wants to cease. So if it ever looks to have ceased, it’s either because I was able to mask it for a brief moment or because it finally gave up on keeping itself sustained.
But after my mind has its run of itself and decides to take a moment, I can slip back into time as though I never left for more than a moment. But now my head is tight and my eyes want to close and I want to close the world down internally.
One day my mind will find peace. Either in a dozen different tablets, or the final thought of a long movie with a saddening but happy final ending. Piece